fight the fire

October 04, 2011 tuesday - 21:53

dear sebby

it was my birthday last month. it was the most wonderful birthday i've ever had. i was surrounded by friends who loved me and who cared about me. i don't remember the last time i was so happy.

but you weren't there.

it would have been your birthday next month. i wish i could wish you a happy birthday. i wish i could do more for you than lay flowers on your grave.

i wish you were here to talk to. i look back at my photos - there are so few of them, and i will take no more. i still see you there, sometimes, in the distance, out of the corner of my eye, and in my dreams. these are the spaces you inhabit now.

now you belong to everybody, even though you meant different things to every one of us. you have become etched in stone, immortal, an unbearable weight we all carry within us.

everything changed when you left. what i would give for things to go back to the way they were.

you're no longer here and we've moved on.

no. we can never move on.

Burn me up and set me free tonight
‘Til there's nothing left to identify
Will I make it out of here alive
I can't fight the fire


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