November 10, 2001 Saturday - 20:51
i'm really glad. people have been telling me that i am noticeably thinner. good. finally.
but yet other people are getting worried. i don't know why; i'm not nearly skinny enough (or dropping the pounds fast enough) to warrant any concern. i keep hearing the same things.. mostly from the same people: "you have to eat properly. people are concerned about you. your friends, parents, etc etc etc"
rubbish. my parents are so not concerned. my dad was like "you lost weight. good. you should maintain this weight." thanks dad, but i don't plan to maintain this weight.
and i've been hearing this too: "you're like those anorexic people who NEVER think they're too thin." well.. the difference between them and me is that i REALLY am not too thin, and i know it.
AND. people are NOT concerned about me. even people who say they are, are lying. what they feel is only a natural reaction.. they aren't REALLY concerned about ME. they don't care, not really. no way could people like them ever care. not about me. i'm not like them, i'm different, i could never be like them.
and you, you don't care either. that hurts, that really hurts. but who am i to expect anything more? i only want you to be happy.. and i couldn't make you happy. still i wish you'd care.. but nevermind. and nevermind that it will always be YOU and ME but never US; nevermind that i'm no more than what i am to you. i don't mind, i just want to treasure whatever i have of you, little as it may be. i'm thankful i have your friendship. somewhere out there i know there is someone for me, and i don't think it's you. so it's okay. have a happy life,... friend.