July 08, 2012 sunday - 01:57
it was painful knowing you.
it was painful being with you, knowing we could not be together. watching you drive yourself to pieces going after different girls. holding you in the club when you got drunk and messy. watching out for you, then stepping back when the flavour of the week came to look for you. thinking of you, knowing you were not thinking of me. hoping you would msn me when you came online. wanting to talk to you but not knowing what to say.
it was hard. it made me angry with myself. it made my heart curl. having to want, but to be silent, to be nothing more than a friend. each time i saw you, i would think of those star-kissed nights in phuket, but would have to pretend i had forgotten it all. to burn with the proximity, but not be able to touch you. to have you to myself but share you with a million others.
it was so painful knowing you. but not as painful as not knowing you.
i miss you, miss you, miss you.