the end of the rain
November 30, 2002 Saturday - 12:09
i have finished all my us university applications. all of. *3* applications. so *many*. <- sarcastic. but why apply to a place you won't enjoy going to? or that won't give you that name you can be proud to put in a resume? (i am serious.)
glad i didn't apply for more, cos i would just die. but after the first two, the last one wasn't quite as painful as i thought.
hope i get in.
the year is winding down. with the christmas decorations comes a mellow mood (unless you step into the shopping malls that is).
last year, at this time (today exactly, i think) i was on a plane heading to new york. *sighhhhhhh*
i do wish i could go somewhere nice and cold this year.
never mind. if i do go to oxford or yale or something, i'm sure i will have my fill of cold days. but it's not like i am qualified to get in. why did i apply? because everyone else was applying.
i was quite tempted to apply for st andrews in scotland cos of the cute prince william.. but he'd be gone by the time i get there :P
just a few days more. and it will all be over.
i am aware that my entries are getting more and more mundane.
maybe it's cos i'm eating.
and it hurts so much to see myself get fat. (and i know i am, never mind what other people say).
i am a failure at this losing weight thing
as in everything else
but i have to put this aside and do work. i don't have the time to worry about weight and all that.
but is it just an excuse?
i *will* lose weight. and next year when i go collect my results. i will STUN the world. because i will be thin, and beautiful once more.
i will survive this.
why do people in the Third World still move to the cities (citY, in most countries) even when they're so badly overpopulated? when all they get is a shack on a muddy hill? when they cannot find jobs? or a better life?
because it is a chance. it is a hope they cherish, and to move back would be to destroy their hope.
maybe i need a hope too, and that is what i have got from this application process. when i got the invitation to the scholarship interview, i was really pleased. i guess it's a reassurance that maybe i do not suck as much as i thought i did.
but one day soon, i will get a rejection instead of a confirmation. and then where will i be? why am i relying on this to get confidence? it's soo.. shallow.
and that's where my name came from. i actually forgot about it until i came across it again while studying. i *think* that is where it came from anyway.
favelas are squatter settlements built on slopes in rio de janeiro. (favela = wildflower) cos only wild flowers used to grow there. but now squatters.. err., squat there. so that's why they're called wildflowers.
i must have thought the word (wildflowers) sounded nice. which is why i chose it. but right now, i think i must have been a bit nuts. i am a squatter settlement?!?!
some googlism for: