hedda full of pride
February 27, 2007 tuesday - 22:31
i am falling. this time, i was not pushed; this time, i took that step off the cliff.
the speed scares me.
if a thing exists because it is named, it is the naming that causes it to exist. knowing this, why do i continue to speak? from now on, i must be silent. for speech is not free, and i am paying its price.
help me, please help me. i cannot love you, because it would destroy us both. and happiness is not something i can give you.
if i run, the baked mud hard against my feet, the pebbles kicking against my shoes, would you follow? i dare not turn around, i don't know if you are there. i need you, i need you to grab my shoulders and stop me and tell me where to go... and yet you cannot be here.
if we fall in love, it will be a love of passion, of intense desire and intense despair. we need each other too much. it cannot be.
and now, i will be silent.