the ministry of sound
January 05, 2003 Sunday - 00:29
- on relationships:
i once told a friend, i am doing this because i can.
i'm not leading him on.. i'm leading myself on. i'm playing. as if something could come out of it.
i know we are not compatible.
yet knowing that i am but a friend to him, and nothing more,
because being with him makes me
and it's always nice to know someone wants me.
but i guess i was only being delusional.
yeah, you can forget me now.
- on eating, and friendships:
i tried talking to that abovementioned friend. i told her, i couldn't decide. my head is telling me what i have always known. but my heart is pulling me in another direction.
i guess it's cos this part of me that says, don't eat, promises me so many things. beauty. confidence. pride. control. happiness. love. and the other part of me, that part where God is, promises me...
i KNOW He has promised many things, in the Bible, and i know that He will be faithful. but.. i don't feel anything. i only know.
so of course i will choose that side that seems to promise more, right?
yet i know i am being lied to by the devil.
why can't i just give it up!?!?
i want to be thinner.
and all i wanted was for that friend to pray for me. for strength to bear this temptation. i didn't want to have that conversation we've had so many times, on what is an obsession and what is not. on what is too much and what is too little. on what is a part of me and what is the devil's lies.
i guess i should just have asked for that.
i love You.