August 27, 2005 saturday - 11:08
every night i lay next to you on the bed, close enough to feel the thrum of your heartbeat through the sheets. we are close but not touching.
last night was the last night, and i wanted to draw closer to you, to sleep in your arms and cry loss and loneliness into your shoulder. but the column of air between us grows thicker, like a wall, and i cannot bring myself closer, and i cannot bring myself to touch you.
so i spend the night looking at your sleeping smile, you on your side of the bed and i on mine, tears silently drenching my pillow.
i don't want you to leave. i don't want to miss you. i'm lonely. i love you. i love you. i'm counting the months until i see you again and it seems unbearably long. i love you. i love you.