February 16, 2017 - 23:55
i dreamed about someone else last night. not how i used to dream about you, when you had just left - how i dreamed about empty rooms that felt like you, that smelled like you, but where you never were. how i dreamed that i was climbing stairs and knocking on doors to find you - you would be just beyond, i was so sure - but you weren't there.
when i dreamed about him, he was there. the touch of his hands around my shoulders, strong and firm, in the light of day, had blossomed into a hug in the fevered dreams of night. in a room full of people, he was there, he was mine, and we were.
but when i awoke, i felt the same kind of longing. the same loss. the same kind of mourning for what could-have-been.
and then, again, time collapses. i am swimming in memories of the past, of friends i cannot speak to anymore, of places i cannot return to, of feelings and emotions and states of being and lifetimes i cannot experience again.
i want to move forward but i am still, always, held back by my past. will we be friends again, when we meet at the end of time?
give me strength, for tomorrow, and the days to come..