September 06, 2001, Thursday - 15:24
i want to love you
i admire you
i wonder how much you have hurt, whether you carry around a secret pain within you. you are so strong, so much in control. although your life could not have been perfect.
what it takes, to be like you, so few have.
you deserve so much more than what you have.
you deserve more than just me. blind, selfish, insensitive. you deserve someone perfect. like you.
you're so gentle. but so strong. it's frustrating, how you're so nice. but you're so firm and unwavering in your faith.
there's so little i can do for you. but i want to do what i can. maybe what's best is if i don't do anything. and maybe that's what i should do.
i want to love.
i want to love you.
so, so much.
i want to hold you, comfort you, to cradle your head in my hands, to keep you safe from harm, from hurt... i want you to hold me, smile at me, love me... i want to make you happy.
i want for us to belong to each other. to be happy together. to love each other. to have each other, for all time. to be free together. to discover. to learn. to know. together. to be comfortable with each other. to be beautiful together. to help. to live. to be at peace.
but that, it is just a dream.......
blood, like water, like dust running through fingers,... blood, like pain, like hurt tearing through minds,...blinding pain... want, need, desire,...heartbeats, blood, blood, ache. darkness, blackness, hurt like hope, nothing, hatred and love, nothing, nothing, blood, farewell...