someone i never really knew but have always loved
November 15, 2002 Friday - 21:26
i respect you. you were to me what to be in control meant. i remember you as being pretty, gentle, sweet, intelligent, accepting. you treated me as a friend. i don't remember you being upset or angry. this memory of you is to me an example of what i sould aspire to be. you were feminine and elegant.
maybe your influence has been greater than i realise. because of you i was motivated to work hard and get into a good class in sec 3. because of you i felt i was up to taking history and geog, even though everyone says it is such a heavy combination. i saw you go to rj. i now go to rj. when i cut my hair this year i did so on impulse; i was looking at the school yearbook and i saw you with that hairstyle.
but mine doesn't look quite as nice as yours. and i am doing arts; you did triple science. you were a section leader; i quit choir.
you are such an amazing person. i wish i knew you still. do you remember me? that stupid over-enthusiastic childish junior who sat next to you in the last row of the alto section? you were so nice to me, was it because you liked me? do you remember me?
i borrowed a copy of the rj yearbook where you were in j2. but i couldn't find you. i looked through the classes, the cca pages, but it was too much. maybe you weren't in it. if you were i missed you.
i wonder what you are doing now. you must be in your 2nd year of uni. where are you studying? what are you reading? are you enjoying yourself? what scholarship are you on? do you have a boyfriend?
i never knew all that much about you. how is your family? do you have a sister like you? i think i remember you talking about a sister or a brother.. or was it someone else? it was all so long ago.
are you still that happy wonderful person you were? i wish i could talk to you again. but i think all i will ever know of you again is this memory that time will polish until all that is left is a shining brightness. i wonder how your life is. are you still charming the people around you, as you once did me? are you still that beautiful person? or are you, like so many others, sick and sad and hurting? i hope not, because you are too good for that.
i will pray for you. i hope you have a wonderful life. a life as wonderful as you deserve. as wonderful as you once were. nevermind who or where or what you are now. it has been four years; only my dreams are left, and i do not know you. yet i still want the best for you
i will pray that one day we will meet again, and be friends.