why?

December 29, 2008 monday - 00:45

God, why did you give me a heart that only feels sadness? i want to be happy.
why did you give me a soul that only causes pain and suffering? why do i respond to kindness with cruelty? why can't i accept love?

God, why am i this way? God, i'm so lonely. take this away from me, i can't bear it any more. Give me a reason to live, to be happy? it hurts so much, Lord, it hurts and i can't take it.

it hurts, it hurts, and it won't stop hurting. it's been hurting for years and i'm so afraid. is this what the future holds? because i don't want this life, not this way, not like this. please, i beg you, just make it better.

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