April 29, 2002 Monday - 23:06
it's so disgusting!! it's so damn disgusting. I'M so damn disgusting!! it seems, now that i am clean and dry before my computer, such a vile and nauseating thing to splatter my dinner into the sewers.. vomit is such a disgusting thing.
i'm so turned off.
i can see the salad.. taste the sick-sweet vinaigrette.. my throat clenches at the memory of the tofu bits, especially.
I AM SICK.
i feel like i am being swept away in a dizzying spiral of colours and smells and tastes.. i feel.. sicked...
i'm so disgusting!!
if only any of them knew.. what would they think? the teachers who think i am so hardworking, the classmates who think i am so normal.. my parents.. what would they do, when they discover that their daughter is someone totally different from the girl that they thought they brought up?
sick.. sick.. it's so sick and disgusting... oh man.. i'm so... ugh...UGH!!
how could i DO these things??
and yet.. how could i not?
how could i not?