the things you do not mean to say

January 21, 2002 Monday - 16:31

it hurt, seeing you. you remind me of everything i have ever wanted to have. everything i have ever wanted to be.

it hurt, seeing you see her. knowing you will never, never look at me that way. knowing i am nothing more to you than the wind, nothing more than a pasing moment. a fleeting instant.

you will not miss me through the distance of time. but i will always remember you. because you mean so much to me; more than you can imagine; you represent a life i could never hope to live. you remind me that, despite all the things i dream of, i am nothing. miniscule like a shell upon an endless beach, a swash against an eternity of sea.

and you remind me that life goes on. without me. you will not miss me, and that is the way it should be. you will not remember me. that is how it should be.

in your world
i have no meaning
- john waite, 'missing you'

you are everything i could never be, and it was an honour to be your friend.

i love you, as a friend, as a human being under the same sky, as a sister of the same God. i love you, as that, and nothing more.

and that is the way it should be.

-----

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to
hide my heart
And what I believe in
- christina aguilera, 'reflection'

-----

you never saw the hurt she felt
or the coldness as she hit the floor
you never heard the tears she cried
finding in the darkness nothing more

she would have been happy
she would have been fine
in some other perfect world
some other perfect time

you will never see her bare
as each piece inside her breaks
you cannot imagine what she feels
you are not the one she hates

she would have been happy
she would have been fine
in some other perfect world
some other perfect time

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