March 26, 2011 saturday - 21:49
tears for the departed
i regret not staying, that night. the sight of you standing there as my taxi drove away broke my heart then; it breaks my heart now.
i regret not letting you come over, that night. your disappointment was evident even through the internet.
but life goes on. and i am proud that i was not one of the girls that she had to forgive.
i regret not caring for you more, because you did not love me in the way i loved you. and i regret that i let my jealousy, my desire, poison our friendship.
i regret not being there for you more, for perversely taking advantage of how good you were to me - not just in what i did, but what i thought.
i miss you so terribly, terribly much. i don't know how i am supposed to get used to living in a world without you in it. all i have is time, and the hope that this broken, empty hole in my heart will one day close over.
it is only faith that gives me the comfort that you are happier now than you were. that your struggles have ceased, and you are now at peace in the arms of the One who loves you the most.
we will meet again, i'm sure. and until then, i want to live in a way that will honour your legacy.