October 12, 2006 thursday - 02:46
the days slip by like stones dropping into a pond; a splash, ripples, and then black water closing over it.
i write this here because i know you do not read it.
so this is what it is like to need someone, i realise: it hurts when you are not around. i need you. that's it. simple.
and what you do, have you any idea what it's doing to me?
i want to be non-threatening. i want to be a canvas, blank, white; here for you to paint your desires upon, to cover with your design.
need. it is such a powerful word. it demands attention, it is its own justification.
those few weeks remain fixated in my mind. even when i have forgetten what they were like, or what you were like, or what i felt.. i remember what we did.
to have something.
don't we all crave attention? i need you because you gave that to me. now that i recognise that, it is time for me to leave.
yet.. i can't. i know all this. i know i am addicted to a feeling. i know it is false. i know i could never want you.
yet i do.
You were there for summer dreaming