October 15, 2006 sunday - 01:31

how is it that you can hurt me just by... not saying or doing anything?
how how how?
why why why?

you always want what you can't have
but i've got to try

3 months.

more than 3 months ago, a lifetime before, i wrote: the only things worth wanting sometimes are the ones we cannot have.

if suffering allows us to know we are alive, then:
you have given me the gift of life.

it was never meant to be this way.

and yet i believe i would still do it all over again. even at this cost.
because of the intensity of that one month.
and the heartbreak of the following two.
because i know i am alive.

so i am alive, and i will continue to live.. but i'm not sure i will survive.

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