thoughts and feelings

September 21, 2015 monday - 22:08

why does my heart break so easily?
it doesn't take much.
a small rejection.
a throwaway comment.
a little gesture.


i feel.. like i am unloveable. a huge fraud.
i can never have kids; what if they become like me?
i want attention but i want everyone to go away.
i search for friends in my mind but there is nobody i can talk to.
nobody i can run to.
there are lines i don't want to cross and you don't want to cross.
there is the nuclear option.. it's just that the nuclear explosion can only happen once, but for me it happens every day. so what do i do then?
i make everyone feel awkward.
nobody knows what to do with me.
neither do i..

i feel so terribly, terribly alone.

i stand at the window and tears stream down my face and i don't know why. i can't stop but i can't continue.

unwanted. unbearable.
i want to go away from myself.
i want to leave.
i want to disappear.
i want to die.

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