is it vesak day?

May 15, 2003 thursday - 00:13

just now at work i didn't want to leave. it's scary.

i was doing a word document with some very (ok, slightly) complicated tables with different borders all over the place. and word kept being uncooperative. it was frustrating and stressful. (understatement)

in the end i left about an hour later than knocking-off time, but i didn't want to leave. when i walked out i carried this niggling sense of irritation inside me (that has turned into a headache). i wanted to stay and finish the thing.

yet i wouldn't have been incredibly happy to finish it i think. it would have been more of the, it's about time, sort of feeling. so the motivation to stay on isn't there. but i just wanted to whack the thing. weird. well now i know that it will be possible for me in the future to work late. (and i will have to work late)

and now i still have that headache from the afternoon.

i like my desk. it's private. when people walk in they don't see me because i'm hidden by a shelf. the computer is slow though.


i feel like shutting down my brain. click all the x-es at the top right of the screen and close down all my activities. log off the internet and icq and msn and whatever. turn off winamp.

no people. no responsibilities. no distractions. no irritations. no nothing. just me and myself. walled off, unconnected.

happy public holiday to me.

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