wrapping up, closing down, tying up

August 23 2003 - 1338 hrs

learn not to judge people; learn not to be arrogant.

there really is a lot of work. but i can deal with it. it's not so terrible. and i can pray about it too.

i really want to grow spiritually. i can see how awesome and how difficult it is to love the Lord from the bottom of the soul.

it's hard to write in here.

my friends are all leaving. harvard, stanford, brown, columbia, dartmouth, berkeley, northwestern, oxford, lse, ucl, tekong (haha).. politics, economics, medicine, law, engineering, geography, biochemistry.. it's hard not to feel inferior. and yet, i feel so proud of them.. so proud to know them. so proud for them. it's not a question of who will be successful.. it's a question of how successful. it's hard not to be happy, not to be excited.

even though they're leaving. and they will never be the same again. when they return, they will be different people. the time for hanging on, for meeting up, for remembering together, it has passed. it is time to separate and to move on.

people ask me why i did not follow that dream.. why i did not go overseas, why i did not do the scholarship thing. (well, it's flattering to be considered one of the 'scholarship' sort.) as if i did not have a dream too. but i am chasing another dream.. one that is not mine but the Lord's. and i am proud of that too.

i pray for my sister, that she will find her road too.. that she will learn to love the Lord.. that she will find her calling.

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