you're all i want

September 25, 2004 saturday - 03:18

i struggle against the waves of sweet anguish
feeling turns to knowing turns to dreaming.
reality fades away
a moment of shock, sharp, and an eternity of falling, dulling, ache
so painful, and everything else seems unreal in comparison

and i want my friend to be with me to comfort me to hold me to let me cry
but how dare i impose myself on you
you are far away and it will not be the same
and in the end it is still you i trust you i love
a small victory for you that you do not know you have won
and i wish i could hate you for this
give me something to anger against
something illusory
because reality is painful

i don't know what to say
i have not the words
except beautiful garbage
that is of no use to anyone but me
but it is not i that has the need now
it is not i

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