the end of the rain

November 30, 2002 Saturday - 12:09

i have finished all my us university applications. all of. *3* applications. so *many*. <- sarcastic. but why apply to a place you won't enjoy going to? or that won't give you that name you can be proud to put in a resume? (i am serious.)

glad i didn't apply for more, cos i would just die. but after the first two, the last one wasn't quite as painful as i thought.

hope i get in.


the year is winding down. with the christmas decorations comes a mellow mood (unless you step into the shopping malls that is).

last year, at this time (today exactly, i think) i was on a plane heading to new york. *sighhhhhhh*

i do wish i could go somewhere nice and cold this year.

never mind. if i do go to oxford or yale or something, i'm sure i will have my fill of cold days. but it's not like i am qualified to get in. why did i apply? because everyone else was applying.

i was quite tempted to apply for st andrews in scotland cos of the cute prince william.. but he'd be gone by the time i get there :P

just a few days more. and it will all be over.




i am aware that my entries are getting more and more mundane.

maybe it's cos i'm eating.

and it hurts so much to see myself get fat. (and i know i am, never mind what other people say).

i am a failure at this losing weight thing

as in everything else

but i have to put this aside and do work. i don't have the time to worry about weight and all that.

but is it just an excuse?

i *will* lose weight. and next year when i go collect my results. i will STUN the world. because i will be thin, and beautiful once more.

i will survive this.


why do people in the Third World still move to the cities (citY, in most countries) even when they're so badly overpopulated? when all they get is a shack on a muddy hill? when they cannot find jobs? or a better life?

because it is a chance. it is a hope they cherish, and to move back would be to destroy their hope.

maybe i need a hope too, and that is what i have got from this application process. when i got the invitation to the scholarship interview, i was really pleased. i guess it's a reassurance that maybe i do not suck as much as i thought i did.

but one day soon, i will get a rejection instead of a confirmation. and then where will i be? why am i relying on this to get confidence? it's soo.. shallow.


and that's where my name came from. i actually forgot about it until i came across it again while studying. i *think* that is where it came from anyway.

favelas are squatter settlements built on slopes in rio de janeiro. (favela = wildflower) cos only wild flowers used to grow there. but now squatters.. err., squat there. so that's why they're called wildflowers.

i must have thought the word (wildflowers) sounded nice. which is why i chose it. but right now, i think i must have been a bit nuts. i am a squatter settlement?!?!


some googlism for:

mikagami is scary yet sympathetic
mikagami is behind her (BOO!)
mikagami is the general slasher in for fics (of course.. haha)
mikagami is stuck with a baby (oh??? since when) (actually i think i remember coming across a fic like this)
mikagami is pretty much the bishounen of bishounen (you don't say!)
mikagami is the daughter of a former magical girl and the demon overlord troy 'hellfire' (sure he is ^^)
mikagami is a being of mindless chaotic (i like this one.)
mikagami is in* kurei (!!!!?????!!!?!??! what is that supposed to mean!!??)
mikagami is bad shounen ai (yeah..)
mikagami is sexy (you're telling me)
mikagami is there (no, he's here!)
mikagami is all every girl wants in a man *blush*

kurei is also bishoneny in his right (i agree :P )
kurei is waiting for the elevator (?)
kurei is looking for you (you'd better run)
kurei is way cool (uhuh)
kurei is gay? (i'm not sure either.)
kurei is a bad influence (on YOU)
kurei is very gentle (riiiiight)
kurei is now known as cyan (he is? i didn't know that)

prefix | suffix

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