January 24, 2002 Thursday - 23:16
exhausted... all the time.. exhausted.. tired.. drag.. exhausted.. e x h a u s t e d . . . .
i miss you.
the problem with most people trying to lose weight is that they can't bear to give up food. 'just this piece of cake'. that's human, i guess. greed. i mean, in school i fantasise about all the fabulous buffets and stuff i could go to on weekends.. 'just this week. just this once.' but come saturday, i will be curled up in bed trying to not think about the porridge sitting on the table downstairs.
that's the problem with people. they can't give up what they should.
i miss you my friend. is something happening to me? i think we fit each other. sometimes. sometimes. is sometimes, enough?
but it doesn't matter, does it..
you cheer me up. you make me smile. you make me a better person to be with.
i really miss you.
at least we have our friendship. tenuous as it seems at times. at least we have that. iie, at least *i* have that.
and if i have it no longer.. at least i once did. and i treasure that, as much as i treasured everything he did for me. you mean very much to me, do you know? do i mean as much to you? i just wish...
you seem to promise.. promise something. please let what i sense be real, and not just a wisp of what could have been, as it always is.
i want to be your friend.
i'm so exhausted.. but i'm getting thinner..
and that's all that matters to me now.