choux pastry heart

August 31, 2007 friday - 22:16

that day, months and months ago, i smiled when i got your message as i came off the plane. back then we were friends, as close as lovers, and both flushed with the excitement of sweet new love.

and i stepped into the blinding beauty of the mediterranean sun, heart light with joy, basking in a luxury i didn't even know how to appreciate. my hand was firmly held in his, and my days were gorgeous and the nights long and fascinating.

today our loves have torn us from each other in so many different ways. and every day i see you smiling brighter, and you look happier, and more beautiful, and more in love.
while every day i die a little bit, and the tears fall a little more easily, and i hurt someone else a little more deeply, and my heart breaks a little more.

and i miss him so dreadfully, i miss the comfort and the ease and the security and the innocent pure joy. and the love. and belonging. i miss the home i had in the summer heat, as i wander lost and cold in autumn's cruel chill.

and i miss you.

how does a friendship die? does it die from betrayal and anger? from callousness? or busyness? does it die in the blaze of a fight, and end us off hating each other where we once loved?

but no - it dies from silence, from all the unsaid words that pile up like a wall, until it separates us cleanly and perfectly and we can no longer scale it or break it down. and though our hands reach out to each other, we can no longer touch.

that is how a friendship dies.

oh to be able to turn back time and be back on that aerobridge.

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