when i remember him i will wonder what was so good about him

December 06, 2002 Friday - 00:14

The prom was great. *huge grin* i had fun. i was incredibly high the entire night. someone asked me if i was on drugs :P

it was way better than my secondary school one. maybe because i didn't go with a negative attitude. i wasn't out specifically to have fun.. but i wasn't dreading/dissing the whole thing either. i think it was also cos i spent it with happy people. we booked a room at the hotel and got ready together. and.. i guess everyone was so.. smile-y and everything.. it was infectious. it never crossed my mind to be difficult and pms-y like i always am. i was gregarious and polite and laughing the whole time. i think my friends were kind of happy about that too. i know i can sometimes be a bit very sulky and reserved.. and it affects them.

the food was not bad. first time i've had this thing western-style. i wonder why most dinner affairs are chinese.. maybe cos chinese dinners are.. like.. many many courses (like 7/8/9?) and western dinners are 3/4 courses only?

i didn't get to eat much cos of photo-taking and makeup worries. the vegetarian food was quite nice. i drank the soup with a straw to keep my lipstick on :P but the regular people had cream of mushroom soup, so i don't really understand why i got something else. *shrug* it's not like the meal was vegan, which would explain the soup..

but really, really.. it was the most fun i've had in a long time. i am glad i went.

anyway.. i took a picture with this guy, let's call him luke. luke is very cute. extremely cute. in the japanese-looks-like-a-girl way. i don't really know him in person though. he's supposed to be shy and softspoken and gentle. and..er... this is embarrassing.. he sorta kinda reminds me of mi-chan. i don't know why. maybe it's the looks-like-a-girl bit. maybe it's his eternally blase expression. i've never seen him ruffled or upset. he's like.. all the nice bits of mi-chan without the hang-ups and unpredictability. that's the *impression* i get.

like i said, i don't know him.

so how can i like him. right? i don't like him.

...eh. i don't!!! why don't you believe me. haha.

i honestly don't know why i am so attracted to him. i think maybe it's like i'm projecting my 'perfect guy' ideals onto him, cos i don't know him, so he can be anything i want.

i am so silly, huh.


there's this part in The Used's "the taste of ink" that goes when I'm standing top the bright lit city and i heard primate city.. maaaan. that's a bit too much geog for me! hah.


i was listening to jaci velasquez's "you". it's a song about God. betcha didn't know that. the lyrics are lovely.

Who makes
The waters of my sorrow part

And leads the gladness into my heart
Who makes
The rivers run that wash away
And clean my soul to make a new start

You hung the moon
You placed the stars that shine
Your love for me
I hope all that I do
Will show reflections of you

- jaci velasquez, "you"

there's one part that says, "You're everything pure and beautiful".

that's what i've been searching for. something pure, and something beautiful. i thought that i would find it in ridding myself of desire. if i didn't need to eat the food that comes of this earth, i would not be bonded to it. i would be light and i would be able to fly. (not literally)

but i know that this is not part of what God intends for me.

and what i've been searching for, i had already had. i just couldn't see it. and i still don't understand it.

"You make everything pure / everything beautiful / You make me see the only thing that's true: / It's You"

i just wish i could live the way i think. i've tried to let go of this. thing. you know. but i'm still clinging on to it. why can't i let God lead me?

i don't know.


i hear it is snowing lots in the US now. argh. it's not fair. it wasn't snowing at all this time last year when i was there, skiing. it's not fun skiing when there is only.. like.. 3 runs worth of manmade snow in the whole resort of numerous mountains.

and i couldn't help wondering.. is this part of el nino? or la nina? and then i started thinking about the high and low phases of the walker circulation and ENSO and teleconnections and the thermocline and the guano industry of south america's west coast.. and the programme i watched on the discovery channel. it was about el nino. and it showed a south american fisherman's wife living in a village at the coast. she said something like, i don't mind the el nino floods for my sake. but i (and here she started crying) mind them for my children's sakes. it's not fair that they have no chance at life and that they have to suffer.

i wish i could do something to help.

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