dreaming of the days
May 31, 2007 thursday - 00:37
why is it that you make me cry so easily when he never did?
why is it that i miss you so much.. but what i miss is something i never had?
i'm sick of pretending to be happy. sick of pretending to smile, to laugh.
but i don't know what i want. i don't know what i need.
the absence of desire is nirvana. but the opposite of desire is need.
i want you next to me. i want you holding me. i want you to make me feel safe. loved.
but i dare not ask. because i am being selfish. and because i know you will say no. because you are being selfish.
although i did ask, a drop in the darkness, that you did not hear. a sigh that was lost in the wind that rushed between us.
if you kept records.
and you are flying away, your plane roaring into the sky, tearing a hole in the clouds: