January 06, 2002 Sunday - 14:00
i want to rise above the muck of life.. to be free, to spread my wings and fly... i want to embrace the blueness for a forever sky... to see the sun sparkling on the sea...
but life is cold and dreary and rainy. damp and miserable. books. homework. tests. awful. horrible.
'cause you're so beautiful
i hate myself and my body. i hate myself so bad it hurts.. i hurt.. it's a prison..
how could this happen to me?
you deserve everything you have. you worked so hard. you're such a wonderful person... i hate it that i'm jealous, i want to be happy for you. i am happy for you. i want to be happy for her, too.
you belong together, don't you? i can never be anything like what she is. pure, strong, and beautiful. there's way i could ever become like that.
please.. don't forget me.
i can't do anything for you, anymore. i'm just standing on the sidelines praying for you, if that is enough. it takes so much to sacrifice what i did for you... but i hadn't a choice.
don't forget me...
i won't forget you.
I wanna go to a place where I am nothing and everything