what is going to happen today?

October 31, 2001 Wednesday - 21:37

joy and anguish twist, brittle in sharp embrace.
white and purple shaking the heart.
fade, laughter, and let pain show her face; her cold beauty is at once elevated and depraved; her shining eyes entrap and enchant.
touch again the mind, driving it to sharpness; driving it to madness.
"when everything's made to be broken..." (iris, goo goo dolls)
but i don't want you to know who i am.
i want to know who you are. and i don't want to hurt you.
i, am allowed to hurt only myself; i do not want to hurt you.
withdraw, the jealous tentacles of envy and desire.
take of your leave, for you have no right to be.
dance, a dance at once deadly and proud and beautiful.
pain is elegant, graceful.
tangerine mornings framed by palms, step onto the warm wood floor, breathe in the air that is only a dream.
a dream that is the antithesis of reality.
reality, is cold and wet and gloomy.
a chill that runs to the bones, to the heart.
where only love perhaps can light the empty hearth.
but love, it does not exist.
the world is drab, mundane, miserable.
cloaked in the grey of rain-clouds and the squalor of mud.
where enthusiasm is wasted.
where dreams have no place, much less the dreamer.
where community negates self but community does not exist.
where nothing is real.
but everything is too, too real.
darkness, sleep and despair, rise up and take me in your arms, let me forget, let me rest, let me go...

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