September 24, 2001 Monday - 22:26
days, are only futile, have nothing to interest me. no fulfilling joy, no overwhelming excitement. no flush-rush of adrenaline, no uplifting sparkle of the eye.
shine the headlight, straight into my eyes.
ennui. dullness. nothing.
day is long...
dry. everything is dry. dry skin, dry lips, dry eyes, dry music, dry air, dry hair, dry thoughts, dry minds, dry fingers, dry life.
in this space between thought and feeling where nothing resides, in this endless empty expanse of ennui (wahaa! alliteration!), Lord make your presence felt..
tatakau. sasurau. soshite nemuru
why? i wonder why i don't feel. and this curiosity, it is not even a burning sort of WHY???!!??, it's more like, i wonder how come...
but actually. i don't think i care. i don't feel it.. i don't feel anything.. it's like the world is dulled, misted, and i'm floating above it. and i don't mean the exhilarating, liberated, soaring sort of floating.
i feel like i don't even exist. because nothing seems to be able to affect me.