the young and the old

February 10, 2004 wednesday - 08:40

it's only wednesday. so tired, feels like the end of the week.

i feel like i am leading a double life, one part of me is smart and capable and well-grounded and friendly and everything good, and the other part of me is.. hollow.

for the first time in my life i am beginning to wonder if, should i say that i am having family problems, i would be justified. one sister is in the hospital with an ed, the other cuts herself, is hooked on sleeping pills, and instead of feeling concerned for the other sister is downright envious. the parents don't know what's going on and can't do anything about it. life at home is a farce, nobody says anything to anyone, and all at home is the emptiness. i feel so horrified at my dad sometimes, it seems as though he knows how to do nothing but give advice, and now this is something he can't give advice on he doesn't know how to take it. and he's doing everything wrong. now it feels like one of those american beauty kind of movies where it starts off with an apparently-perfect family in surburbia, and then the cracks start showing, and then

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