February 13, 2002 Wednesday - 16:20

"I was hungry, hollow, empty in the 'boach', but whenever i surpassed the point of hunger and started to feel that i was starving, i would suddenly lose my appetite, just like that, and i would eat nothing."


"phagomania: the morbid, unconscionable compulsion to eat. Anyway, when people eat like that, their somach and intestines get really f**ked up, really unhealthy, and they fart incessantly."


"Primo Levi wrote that if one message could have seeped out from Auschwitz to free people, the message would urge people not to suffer in their own homes what was inflicted upon prisoners there, in Auschwitz.... I found myself romancing the things i thought i hated, the wrong things. i was doing exactly what Primo Levi had warned against: bringing into my own home what was inflicted upon people who looked like me in a catastrophe that might have been mine. The world i chose to inhabit now had appropriated a history of suffering and slaughter that i despised strenuously but of which i had become an instrument."

- ellen miller, 'like being killed'


"... what am i
but a pale copy
of the true ascetics?

a lesson in humility.
only under such heat, such thirst,
does the soul realise
the body is just a mirage.


and it is only my longing
that saturates the colour of apples,
that turns a passing scent into form,
like breaths sculpted in cold weather.


...i fade,
reduced to a mouth, source
of desire, of the original sin."

- alfain sa'at, 'fasting in Ramadan'


"i want to eat.
eating is important.
eating alone is just
as important."

-alfain sa'at, 'aids diary'


"Machiavelli, himself as lean as a rail, did not like fat men; he was used to say that no man could grow fat in Italy without robbing the widow and the orphan and grinding the faces of the poor."

- w. somerset maugham, 'then and now'

i would like to make somebody cry. for me. because that would mean that i existed. in a world other than just my own.

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