September 20, 2001 Thursday - 20:44

i want to be so thin people stare
that they point and whisper
and shake their heads in disgust
but inside ache with envy

i want to have control so tight
it controls me too
an aesthete free of this mess of life
beautiful beyond words.

i want to be far away like the moon
bleeding silver in the night
cold and distant
dancing to a music only i hear.

i want to hurt so much nobody sees it
i want nobody and everybody to care
i want to fly away into the wind
consumed like the fire like the phoenix

'turn away my princess i am what you fear
the chill that walks within you
the pain that you keep near
you cannot run you can't escape me
you might as well not try
you see me and then you panic
but my princess why do you cry?
i am in you all throughout you
the hurt you keep inside
like.. streaks of fat marbled through meat
or the wobble in your thigh
my princess come again to me
you know you can't resist
you know you can't help but succumb
to the whispers that persist - '

shut up the voice within me
shut up i don't need you

i don't want to do things by halves

stuck in the middle of nowhere
i don't want to be fake
i just want to disappear

fade away to nothingness
wasting away with the year
pain is nothing i cannot bear

i want to be perfect


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