December 06, 2005 tuesday - 15:50

when life closes around you like a cell, there is no way out, and you feel it like... a collar locking around your neck. it doesn't strangle, but you feel it there all the time. you cannot think about it, because then you start to feel you are choking. you cannot take big breaths, swallow hard, or cry, without your windpipe pushing against it, and all you can do is breathe lightly, softly, and try desperately not to think about it. it only hurts if you dwell on it.

it feels like the ache in your arms after they have been restrained for hours. like something pointless and cruel and cruel in its pointlessness.

when life swallows you, all you can do is go further into yourself.

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