way overboard

September 02, 2001 Sunday - 02:53

i will lose weight!!

this site (click there) is disgusting.



i'm a fat cow.


shit, i really hate myself. i hate myself so much i want to cry. i need to lose... *thinks*... about 30 pounds. minimum. (oh. that's a damn lot! more than i thought.. but i'm glad i put it down so now i have a clear goal and i realised what i pig i've been..)

maybe if i put down my height and weight and stuff i eat it would help me eat less.

here goes.

age: 16 (17 in about a fortnight!)
height: 5"6
weight: (ugh) 121 (and that's on GOOD days)
ideal weight: < 90.
goal weight for this time next week: 115

i'll weigh myself every two days..


wanna be thin!!

(the weight thing is really confusing for me cos where i live we go by the metric system. but everything on the internet is in pounds and feet. oh well.)

if i were thin............
i would really feel better about myself

i tried to throw up what i ate today
but only very little came out, guess i wasn't used to it plus i couldn't do it straightaway. plus it was mostly stuff in my gullet, i think, as opposed to in my stomach.
but a little is better than nothing.

(am i grossing you out?)

but i think puking is a bad idea. the consequences are too sick, they outweight the benefits by far. if i could have enough willpower, i wouldn't need to compensate for my bingeing like that. it's disgusting. (plus it feels terrible. i can still feel the ghosts of my fingers down my throat. but... the feeling after is good. i feel... stronger, cleaner, purer, somehow. i know all that food's still in there though. and that sucks!)

i cancancan lose weight.

i want to die.


i want to be thin......


ok just weighed myself, and my excessive disgusting overeating today has made me gain tons of weight and i really don't want to put it (my weight) here. besides, the moment i don't eat, it goes away. so i guess it's not really counted.

but still.

makes me feel like shit.





i hate myself.
i will be better.
i will change.
i will make myself...

prefix | suffix

diaryland | archive | newest entry | profile