August 18, 2001, Saturday - 23:02
too many things.
too many things to do.
what the hell am i thinking? i'm not making very much sense. i'm just rambling on and on. pretending all this has meaning, when it doesn't. pretending it isn't crap, pretending it's depressing and melancholy. but it's crap. what's crap? i'm crap! hello, are you listening? i'm crap! crapcrapcrap!!
yeah, and then?
see, that was what i was talking about. that whole 'crap' bit, doesn't it suggest an unravelling of the mind? a sort of crazed frenzy? but i wasn't going nuts, i was sitting here typing away calm as you please.
is this desperation speaking, or just confusion?
i need to lose weight. what, does that make me sound overweight? or anorexic?
what do you think i am?
When you have tidied all things for the night,
The large and gentle furniture has stood
The little dog rolls over half awake,
A distant engine whistles, or the floor
Silence is scattered like a broken glass.
You bend your head and wipe away a tear.
- harold munro, 'solitude'