i'm too fat.

December 18, 2001 Tuesday - 13:54

everybody's empty
and everything is so messed up
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
can you take it all away...

- puddle of mudd, 'blurry'


you are my closest friend. i care about you; i know you care about me. i am the only person you've met who understands some parts of yourself.

"there're oceans in between us"

you know a bit of me. you know some of my hurt, of my pain, of what i am. of the things that make me up. you've learnt what is the most important thing in my life.

i know, too, that you are concerned.

i guess you're just not concerned enough.

i don't want you to go to a counselor or anything. i don't want to be changed. don't try to change me.

i just wish you would do something to show me you actually care. to let me know there's someone who actually means what she says when she says i care. i just want a real friend, and i want it to be you.

you were shocked when you found out that i am so obsessed with this. shocked enough to write me a letter. to discuss it with friends we have.

but that's about it.

it stops at that.

and now, just a month after, i don't see you doing anything. you don't talk about it anymore, with me or anyone else. you never showed me in person the concern i thought you intended in your letter. and you never bothered to find out more, though the library or the internet or anything is replete with information about these things.

i guess i don't expect you to. i guess it would be too much for me to want you to do something like that for me. selfish. and that's not what i want to be. so in a way i suppose i am glad you didn't bother. because that would mean i was being intrusive; burdening you with my nonsense.

that's why i don't expect you to; that's why i didn't reply your letter.

"take it all away..."

i just wish someone cared.

you know?

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