September 30, 2001 Sunday - 22:25

i've been pretty heartless about the whole wtc thing so far. i think i would forgive. but it was not my country that was attacked and it was not my family who died. so i don't think i have a right to say anything. despite how ludicrous the whole thing seems to me.

but today i saw a video of one of the people jumping out of the towers.


limp like a rag doll.
I am falling.

my body,
it will fall across a million televisions
to a backdrop
grey and forbidding
my body,
it will become a symbol.
more in death than I ever was in life.

people will cry for me
people will rage for me
people will feel for me

but nobody will understand me
all I feel is terror
all I feel is pain
trapped up there
no escape
no relief
do I sit and wait
for death to claim me?

people will see me and cry
but I donít want to know
donít tell me why

donít tell me how you will
make those who did this pay
or avenge all the lives
that were lost this day
donít tell me how Iíve
made my country strong.

I donít want to know all that.

I donít want for people
to see me and cry
I donít want to know
donít tell me why.

all is want is for
flowers to grow
over my grave.
for someone to remember
this life I gave
and for Mother to know
that I love her.

I am spinning
beyond control
away from the sky
but into heaven

No more riding the subway
I belong now to the sky.
no more buying salad cream at the grocery store
all that is left is destruction

Strange, I think
how the meaning of my life
is negated
and augmented by this
my death.
Strange, I think
how I now seemed
to have existed
solely to die.

but it doesnít matter now.

the wind is strangely silent
as I fall through it
muffled by the blankness
of my brain.
canít think anymore

and I see
one last time
the blue of the sky

and then


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