i struggle against the waves of sweet anguish
feeling turns to knowing turns to dreaming.
reality fades away
a moment of shock, sharp, and an eternity of falling, dulling, ache
so painful, and everything else seems unreal in comparison
and i want my friend to be with me to comfort me to hold me to let me cry but how dare i impose myself on you you are far away and it will not be the same and in the end it is still you i trust you i love a small victory for you that you do not know you have won and i wish i could hate you for this give me something to anger against something illusory because reality is painful
i don't know what to say i have not the words except beautiful garbage that is of no use to anyone but me but it is not i that has the need now it is not i
