September 02, 2001 Sunday - 02:53
i will lose weight!!
this site (click there) is disgusting.
i'm a fat cow.
shit, i really hate myself. i hate myself so much i want to cry. i need to lose... *thinks*... about 30 pounds. minimum. (oh. that's a damn lot! more than i thought.. but i'm glad i put it down so now i have a clear goal and i realised what i pig i've been..)
maybe if i put down my height and weight and stuff i eat it would help me eat less.
age: 16 (17 in about a fortnight!)
i'll weigh myself every two days..
wanna be thin!!
(the weight thing is really confusing for me cos where i live we go by the metric system. but everything on the internet is in pounds and feet. oh well.)
if i were thin............
i tried to throw up what i ate today
(am i grossing you out?)
but i think puking is a bad idea. the consequences are too sick, they outweight the benefits by far. if i could have enough willpower, i wouldn't need to compensate for my bingeing like that. it's disgusting. (plus it feels terrible. i can still feel the ghosts of my fingers down my throat. but... the feeling after is good. i feel... stronger, cleaner, purer, somehow. i know all that food's still in there though. and that sucks!)
i cancancan lose weight.
i want to die.
i want to be thin......
ok just weighed myself, and my excessive disgusting overeating today has made me gain tons of weight and i really don't want to put it (my weight) here. besides, the moment i don't eat, it goes away. so i guess it's not really counted.
makes me feel like shit.
i hate myself.