August 25, 2001, Saturday - 00:09

looking for someone to talk to

but nobody's online

looking for someone to cry to

by nobody cares

seniors are all studying

juniors do not give a damn

nothing to take my mind off the fear
the misery

where are all my friends?

i feel terrible.

eat, don't eat, eat, don't eat, eat, don't eat, don't eat, don't eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat...

my head hurts.

my heart hurts.

my body hurts.

the world hurts. but nobody wants to help. you, sitting there, will you help? give a portion of your dinner or your afternoon to someone who needs it more?

i will not help. why should i?

nobody cares.

- and dying is a pleasure
when living is a pain -

- john dryden, 'farewell ungrateful traitor'

pictures on the wall, pictures in my mind, pictures with no significance but their beauty and angst. twisted into a little rictus of pain and misery, black and white they flash past unseeing eyes. eyes that wish to create but cannot even see. eyes that run with tears of blood. tears of blood into a flood. a flood that seeps and mingles with the mud. mud. dirt. not even worthy of dirt.

not worthy.

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