me, me, me

January 17, 2002 Thursday - 21:16

how much is too much?
is a plate too much? or too little?
how is it possible that people eat a plate of something and are full? it seems like i am always hungry, and there is no way a full plate of something is gonna fill me up. and i don't eat plates of stuff. i eat a bit, and then a bit more, and maybe a bit more. is that a plate? or is it less? or more?

what is normal? i don't eat breakfast. and i don't eat lunch. is that normal? it seems normal to me.

what is normal? am i normal? am i too fat? i honestly think so. it's not that i see myself as fatter than i actually am - my eyes work fine, thank you. but the way i see myself, that is fat. is that fat to someone else? when people say i look fine, is it just cos they're nice? or do they really mean it?

they don't mean it. they can't mean it. look at me, look at my fat. i'm too fat. i'm too fat. they're just being nice.

i'm not normal. or am i normal? is it normal to eat like i do? to exercise like i do? it seems normal. it really does.

what is normal? i'm so confused. is it normal to be so miserable the way i am all the time? maybe everyone else does too. and i'm not miserable really, i'm just pathetic. maybe everyone is like me. i'm not really Depressed. i'm just a typical teenager.

is that what i am? i feel normal. i feel fine.

what is normal? i don't know. i learn so much but i don't know anything. i want to know. what is it i should be?

what is normal?

how much is too much?

how much is too little?

i want to be too little.

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