May 21, 2015 Thursday - 22:35
you make me a worse person. with you, my compassion drips away. i become more judgemental. more critical. less kind. i probably have the same effect on you.
and i think, we are too close.
every day is a struggle. to keep standing up, not to fall into the chasm, to love and smile and function like a normal human being. when i fell, last year, you were a big part of why i managed to climb back up. but that also means you have the power to push me back over the edge.
and you are volatile, as i am. each time you burst into flames, it hurts, and i feel the struggle again. i start to slide into the darkness. i convince myself i am worthless, unloved, unloveable, and incompetent. i want to hurt myself. to punish myself for being alive.
and i become blinded to all the blessings i have been given. i think i am alone. i hide myself from the One who loves me the most, above all else, forever, and with an unfathomable grace. i turn from comfort and peace, into fear, anger and pride. i forget who i am and who i belong to. i forget what i am worth.
so. we're not together, but i guess this is a break up. you have meant so much to me, but it has to end here. i'm sorry.